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Gabriel Meadows is a multi faceted synthetic humanoid living in Staunton, Virginia. By day he is an engineering technician. By night he is a niche internet micro celebrity. In the spaces in between he occasionally plays msuic.His favorite bands include groups like Ben Folds Five, They Might Be Giants, Jellyfish, and Father John Misty. He strives to write songs that are incepted unintuitively while still aiming for choruses that will play nonstop in your brain’s radio station. He has been described in the local music scene as, “If Burt Bacharach wrote songs for Fall Out Boy and Queen produced it, but instead of like eight people it’s just Prince.”Gabriel Meadows has self produced and independently released several singles and an EP called “No Time To Say Goodbye.” His debut album, Welcome to the Revolution (It's Nice to Meet You) was released in 2025.He has spent the last 6 years performing for bars, frats, friends, friends and frats within bars, his cat, and likely your mother. He recently opened a sold out show for Will Wood and Shayfer James at Pearl Street Warehouse in Washington, D.C.
Gabriel Meadows is a living musician in Virginia: STAUNTON. He enjoys writing and recording music, playing with his cat, and delivering off the cuff soliloquies about the shortcomings of consumerism. He feels very awkward writing in the third person.He walks a mile in every shoe he comes across just to get his foot out of his mouth and into the door.//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\//#\
Gabriel Meadows is an idea. Gabriel Meadows is the physical incarnation of a third person abstract analysis of the human psyche. Gabriel Meadows is a walking, (endlessly) talking embodiment of an ad for Adderall. Gabriel Meadows will seduce your girlfriend and convince her to assassinate democratically elected leaders._/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_/-=-_
Gabriel Meadows is a 7 foot tall moon man who was sent to Earth in the early days of his infancy in the hopes that he could one day protect mankind from the dark-magic wielding one-hundred thirty-thousand megaton planet-eating autistic vampire known as VORGON. VORGON sucks people's souls out via their cuticles and then licks the crust off of their planet like it's a nonspecific brand of lollipop with a chunk of chocolatey goodness in the middle. That hardly matters, though. Gabriel Meadows quickly became bored with interdimensional ninja training and the free refreshments that were provided with each class, so he decided to instead direct his polymathematical prowess towards the art of becoming the best lover the universe had ever seen. However, he was warned by the Council Of Shy Guys In Very Fancy Bathrobes that this could potentially result in the creation an evil offspring that could undo all hopes of fulfilling the Ancient Prophecy of Lifted Snail Cows, so he instead set his sights on creating the most beautiful music that could be comprehended by the psyche of bipedal carbon based life forms. While he failed dramatically, the Foundation of Moon Livers (FML) decided to put the results that were voted by test audiences as "least painful to endure" on a web page as a warning for VORGON. This is that page. Listen carefully. This music has been known to knock people's socks off, and if you're not wearing socks... You'd better say a quick, "Adios!" to your feet.-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
Mitch Hedberg's snark meets Panic! At The Disco's proclivity for rock and roll cabaret music! Imagine if Elton John tried adding acid bass to his music, or if Jeff Buckley and Jack White wrote a ballad about a soldier accepting death! What about a song that sounds like Tom Waits and Queen singing about the modern day incentivization of performative mental illness? Nobody else would do it, and for good reason… But if nobody tries something new, everything will get old.-------------------------------------------
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B A R G A M E O W L S D I E / MALE BREAD I SOG W / SOW BIG MEAD ARE L / READ SLIME BAG OW / A LIMBS RAG O WEEDBASS SOLO
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D00+ D00+ D00+ ~~~
An Ode to Stephen Miller
PreludeVery few people lack awareness of the term "dick head," but how many people have truly pondered what it means? When I opine on the true nature of dickheadedness, am I just another lost sudo intilekchual jeenius staring vacantly into the vast darkness of my withered soul as if it were the uncaring chasm of outer space? Or am I simply hard for etymology but too scared to touch a bug?Regardless, I think we can all agree that in the event that they make a giant, gleaming golden trophy to award the most prolific dickhead of all time, it would undoubtedly go to Stephen Miller.I mean, just look at the guy. I can practically hear him at the barber shop, the only place he feels safe to form a human connection because there is a blade 2 inches from his grey matter if things go south, showing a picture of a shriveled little chode to the barber and saying, "I want it just like that."How did he get here though? Can anyone truly know the origin of such a being? I certainly do, and it is my greatest burden to regale you with his life story.Early LifeLittle Stevie M. was born to a loving mother, sister, and paraplegic donkey on the 11th of April, 1987. It has been said that as he approached terminal velocity while exiting the womb, he licked up all the blood he could with a shit eating grin that he just couldn't stop. His donkeymom died during labor, so the milk man chopped off both of Lil' Steve's legs as a form of teaching him wrong from right. He vowed to never smile again.High School DaysAt age 23, Stephen Miller was expelled from Netanyahu's School for Ungifted Troglodytes after trying to snort cocaine off of the Eiffel Tower at the mall next to the 7/11 next to the bakery next to the Michael's next to the PF Chang's Gourmet Enough Sort of Authentic Succulent Chinese Dinner Emporium. Following his expulsion, Stephen's dad shipped him off to Yale for Nazis High School, where Stephen would learn to live without the signs of fatherly love he was so accustomed to (like broken bones and drunken Frenching).Though he was dead last in his class academically, not even surpassing the GPA of the developmentally stunted class rat, Elon, they pushed him through due to his exceptional marks in Being A Terrible Person 101 and Murderous Psychopathic Tendencies For Dummies. It was said that he was a savant at feeling nothing but murderous rage. Stephen Miller took up painting. He was rejected from art school.The Drunk History of Fall Out BoyIt's the summer of 2001. Joe meets Patrick and he's like, "Yo, I know about music." Patrick is like "No way! I know MORE about music!"The Great American Swine IncidentStephen Miller was caught on video in July of 2026 passionately whispering sexually charged comments to a block of ham. While it is, as he pointed out, technically legal... It's just plain weird, dude.TodayAs of 2026, there have been many reports of Stephen Miller trying to get people to refer to him as "Stevie Wonder." This is absurd though, because he is not black and he can't play piano.